All systems go

Today There or Thereabouts will play its first show. It’s really weird to say that. For such a long time it has only been a glimmer of an idea, then a concept taking shape, then a dream - first whispered quietly then shared carefully - and today, God-willing, it will step out into the light. For most of the people who will be at the show, this will be their first time meeting it, but for me the joy will be both seeing it in the light and watching other people see it. I’ve been nurturing it and shaping it so I’m curious and excited to see what it does.

There’s still a lot to do before this afternoon. I have to change my strings and run through a couple of songs. Some of the lyrics haven’t quite set in my memory yet - in the case of one of the covers and one of my own that’s still quite new. There clothes to be ironed, setlists to be printed and notes to be made. Then there are all kinds of setup tasks to do - chairs to pick up, stools to transport, tablecloths to borrow, etc. I’m more involved in some aspects of the setup than I’d like to be at this stage but we’ll work with it and try to improve the machinery going forward. 

Strangely enough, even though I don’t feel fully prepared I’m feeling mostly calm and I’m looking forward to it. I’m really trying to enjoy this project from day 1 instead of worrying and obsessing over it in an unhelpful way. I’m trying to gear up to enjoy the show and relax on stage. So we’ll see how well I do.

Here goes something…

A week of rehearsals

This has been a week of rehearsals. On Monday morning I worked with the musicians for about 2 1/2 hours and then with Danah and Jess (BGVs) in the evening for a bit over an hour. Gabre shot and edited some video of the evening rehearsal so I’ll post it soon. Having that kind of history will be interesting. On Tuesday we all got together and ran through most of the songs. It’s coming together. I’m really liking how “Afternoon” has evolved in particular, so I’m looking forward to the reactions to that one. We’ll perform about an hour of music on Sunday at the official launch of There or Thereabouts. 

It’s been a bit surreal as it’s been coming together. It feels like I’ve dreamt parts of it before and every now and then I have to remind myself that it’s really happening - which usually brings a moment of panic and the realization that I have a lot of practicing to do. 

I was able to lay out my vision for ToTa before we started rehearsing on Tuesday. It was good to get some reactions and a bit of feedback. I’m delighted that everyone is enjoying the songs as much as they are too. That’s really encouraging. So we rehearse again tomorrow and that’s it before Sunday. I’m definitely getting more excited as the day draws nearer. I was practicing a couple of songs this evening (accompanied by Maia on her pink and yellow drum) and just trying to make sure I’m comfortable with them vocally. My biggest concern is that I’m not going to get in much time practicing playing and singing into a mic, so I’m hoping I can manage to deliver fairly well none-the-less. Sometimes I drop my mouth below the mic when I’m focusing too much on my guitar, but the only solution is doing this more. 

There’s still a lot to do but a lot of the big pieces are in place and I’m looking forward to unveiling There or Thereabouts. We’re praying for good weather. We’ve had a couple of showers this week so far but God is in control of such things. Hopefully I can get some video shot on Sunday too.

Here goes…

First blog entries are intimidating. First impressions and all, you know. So I’m trying really hard to not feel pressured to craft the perfect first post, whatever that would look like. So this is view from the starting line.

There or Thereabouts has been growing slowly and steadily and I’m looking forward to bringing it out into the daylight soon. There’s this peculiarity about art - even the artist doesn’t know entirely what they have until they share it with others. I don’t ever really hear my songs until I play them for others and with others. They’re always different from I’d imagined, and often better than I’d thought they’d be, with elements emerging that I didn’t have in mind at all. I think a part of that is that I don’t have the whole song. Even when I think I’ve imagined the whole, I haven’t. I wonder if it is that you can’t see what the whole picture could look like until you try to paint it. That’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be collaborating with the musicians I’ll be working with. I’ll write more about them soon enough.

The excitement is just starting to simmer. I don’t allow myself to get excited quickly (I’d love to learn how to do that though). What I’m not as good as keeping down is the terror. Once There or Thereabouts left the protected space of my thoughts and I started to talk about it and gather people together to plan, I realized I was hesitant about doing some of the necessary start-up work because I was afraid. Afraid I wasn’t ready, afraid I need a few more new songs, afraid it’s not going to be good enough, afraid my songs are too simple - musically. Fear easily justifies itself. It was one of my songs that actually helped me to realize what was going on and adjust my posture. It’s funny how that works. I guess there is great value even for me in capturing emotion in song, because I realized I was exactly at the point that I was trying to describe in “All I’ve Hoped For”. This is what I wrote then and it is where I am now.

my fears prepared to ambush me here
they swarm at me with teeth bared, my own creations
infecting expectations

I’m standing over all I’ve hoped for
and I should jump, but I’m floored by doubts and debris
I’ve got to pull my faith free
I’ll hold it up ‘till I see

this is all in my head

So I’m gonna jump. Here goes…